Wednesday, October 03, 2007
6:34 PM
Well...
If anyone were to ask me four years ago, if I would be where I have gotten to today, I would have laughed at their faces and told them that they were fucking stupid...
Where I am now, is the most painful, feared situation that I have ever been in because two of my most deepest fears came true...
I'm not making her happy, and somehow, 'I'ts all my fault...'
From where I was standing, It takes two people when married to go into life. It takes two for happiness, it takes two for sadness, it takes two for joy, love, care, and hope. It takes two to grieve, and now, it takes one...
I don't know what happened exactly, but somewhere along the lines of life, everything changed, and for the worse if I am to be believed.
Maybe this all stemmed from the fear that I wouldn't be good enough. They do say that worrying is like praying for it to happen.
YES I WAS WORRIED THAT THIS WOULD FUCKING HAPPEN!
YES I WAS WORRIED THAT YOU WOULD NOT WANT TO BE WITH ME ANYMORE!
YES I WAS WORRIED ABOUT ALL THE DEBT THAT WE'VE ACCUMULATED!
YES I WAS WORRIED ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT WE WOULD MAKE IT!
YES I WAS WORRIED ABOUT YOU!
And at the same time, I thought only of myself...
numb
Thursday, September 20, 2007
12:50 AM
My First Post in 50 Weeks..........
Guys i know this is going to make no sense, it doesn't to me either,and im sorry, im going to be blubbering through most of this post...
to put everything in a nutshell, i have no idea what i am to do here at this point in time.
she's got an interview with a potential employer tomorrow.....
WE'RE supposed to be moving in about a week......
she wants to stay behind.....
i already quit my job....
ive already told everyone that we're going.....
and now im faced with the most diffucult decision of my entire life......
do i stay?
do i go, and leave the most important thing behind....?
I don't know.........I don't fucking know............
if possible.... any help would be truly appreciated.....
Thanks guys, I owe you all one for even just listening......
/edit sorry guys, kinda had a breakdown last night, and didn't mention everything that's going on here. Don't worry about me too much, but thanks for reading lol
good
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
5:07 PM
Yaaaawwn
Today has been uneventful. I have the day off and really didn't do much of anything. I played some more of RE2 and .hack://Infection, Tora called about 3:30 and reminded me that she wanted me to do some of the dishes before she got home. Just finished what I could for now. -_-; I'm feeling so damn lazy.. it's really annoying. Tora, Void and myself went to see Red Eye last night, that's a fucking kick ass movie. I thought it was going to be more like some of Wes Craven's Horror works, but this was totally an awesome dramatic thriller. Anybody that likes those kinds of movies should watch this at least twice. Well, off to do more housework. Ja.
busy
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
11:45 PM
Today....was
Well... Today was.... not sure how to express how I currently feel, but I'm sure over the next few minutes that I can come up with something suffecient. -_-; Tora might/will have another job shortly and I can still say that I'm 'monojobmatic' unfortunatly I can't think of anything other than 'Video Guru' at Hastings...... It's really sad to see how far the company has gone in the past year without feeling depressed about half the people there are newer than myself, know little about the postition that they are in (which 90% of the time is higher then my own -_-;) Well, I put in a few applications at various places located within bike-riding distance of Home. I'm hoping for a positive result from the 4-5 that I put in. I also asked a favor of a good friends mom to see if any of the people that she 'insured' would be able to enlist me somewhere. Nijawial, thank your mom for me.. twice.. once for marrying us.. (the Tora and myself) and the other for the above help. I really hope something becomes of this really soon.. I'm starting to run out of options...
The word of the night is............ gloomy.. that works well...
gloomy
(1 has resisted the lure of the farplanehave resisted the lure of the farplane to journey to Zanarkand)